How Children Can Unknowingly Strain a Marriage (And How to Fix It)

From the very beginning, childbearing has been woven into the sacred fabric of marriage. When God spoke to Adam and Eve, His first command was not merely a suggestion but a divine calling: “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it…” (Genesis 1:28 NKJV). This mandate was never meant to be fulfilled by a single couple alone—it was a generational blessing, a shared purpose passed down through families. In this light, a marriage without children remains incomplete, like a field left unplanted, unable to fully reflect God’s design.

Children are not possessions; they are sacred trusts—gifts from the Lord, entrusted to parents for a time. The psalmist captures this beautifully: “Children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward…” (Psalm 127:3-5 NKJV). They are like arrows in a warrior’s hand, strength and legacy intertwined. And in Psalm 128, we see them as olive plants, thriving around the family table, a living testament to God’s blessing.

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Yet, like all gifts, children carry both joy and responsibility. They can be the deepest delight—or, if mishandled, a source of pain. This pain arises in two ways: when children are mismanaged, or when they are longed for but never come.

When Children Strain the Marriage Bond

One of the subtle dangers in parenting is allowing children to drift between husband and wife, disrupting the unity that marriage demands. Scripture reminds us: *”A man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh”* (Genesis 2:24). Here, we see that marriage is first a covenant between two, not three. Children are the fruit of that union, not its foundation.

In the early days of marriage, couples often share an unshakable bond—emotionally, spiritually, even in the smallest daily rhythms. But when a child arrives, the focus can shift entirely. If love and attention flow only toward the child, the marriage itself begins to wither. With each new addition to the family, the distance between husband and wife can grow, until one day, they wake as strangers, reminiscing about the closeness they once knew.

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A strong marriage requires tending—like a fire that must be fed to keep burning. As writer Mignon McLaughlin once said, *”A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.”* The initial spark must be nurtured, not replaced. When husband and wife remain united in heart, no outside force—not even their beloved children—can divide them. And in that unity, they leave their children the greatest inheritance of all: the example of a love that endures.