How to Avoid Relationship Regrets: Heeding God Guidance

How to Avoid Relationship Regrets: Heeding God Guidance

Wait a minute—how did I find myself in this mess of a sick marriage? The fact is, we met, and we were in love. How we met doesn’t really matter now, because God has a way of bringing people together according to His design. That design aligns with who we are and our willingness to let Him show His glory through us. Sometimes, He uses our choices to teach us or others valuable lessons. As the Bible says,

“These things happened to them as examples and were written down as warnings for us, on whom the fulfillment of the ages has come.” (1 Corinthians 10:11, NIV)

It’s a mistake to think God is unaware of our choice in marriage. Whether it falls under His perfect will or His permissive will, it’s still influenced by our own decisions.

I said we were in love. But was I really and truly in love? What is love, anyway? If I was in love, was my partner in love too? Looking back, I see that love blinded me. I ignored clear warning signs—traits and behaviors that revealed my partner’s true character. Even when I did notice red flags, I dismissed them as unimportant. I convinced myself that love would change things once we were married.

Also read – How Oneness in Body, Spirit, and Soul Creates a Strong Marriage

How naive. As Bettina Arndt once said, “Women hope men will change after marriage, but they don’t. Men hope women won’t change, but they do.” (Private Lives, 1986)

Before marriage, a man might promise to lay down his life for you. After marriage, he won’t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you (Helen Rowland). One day, he looks at his wife across the dinner table and wonders how he ended up with this “monster.”

My friends and family saw the warning signs. They tried to warn me—some with wisdom from Scripture—but I ignored them all. I assumed my friends were jealous, and my parents simply didn’t understand “modern love.” I thought I was right and they were wrong. But how true is the saying: “The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice.” (Proverbs 12:15, NIV)

Also read: What Does the Bible Say About the Purpose of Marriage?

Now, I understand Joseph Collins’ words:

“The chief reason why marriage is rarely a success is that it is contracted while the partners are insane.”

Looking back, I realize at least one of us was insane. And it must have been me.

The Cost of Ignoring Red Flags

Consider Joe and Mary. Mary admired her fiancé, Joe, for visiting her late at night, trusting that he would always make time for her no matter how busy he was. What she didn’t realize was that Joe wasn’t just devoted—he was a habitual nightcrawler. After their wedding, she learned the painful truth: Joe wasn’t only staying out late; he was also a womanizer. His nightly visits to Mary had been just one stop on his route among multiple girlfriends. When she complained, Joe snapped,  “You knew I was a nightcrawler before we got married. Why are you complaining now? I won’t be a ‘domestic husband.’ If you can’t handle it, you know what to do.”

He even threatened her, making it clear that he was too old to change.

And then there’s Samson and Stella. Before marriage, Stella always invited Samson to fancy restaurants and insisted on paying for their meals. Samson thought she was generous. What he didn’t realize was that this was a smokescreen for her lack of domestic skills. After their wedding, he discovered she couldn’t even boil an egg properly. She was too lazy for house chores, leaving their home in a constant state of chaos.

One evening, Samson assumed it was “business as usual” on their usual night out. Expecting Stella to reach for the bill first, he was stunned when she snapped, “Have you no shame? Before our wedding, I was the one paying. Now you’re a married man—be a man for once. I stopped paying the day before our wedding!”

The Harsh Reality

Like Joe and Samson, I took things for granted and ignored all the signs. God gave me clear warnings about my partner’s incompatibility with me, but I refused to listen. Now, I live with regret.

Check – What Does the Bible Say About the Purpose of Marriage?

“There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end, it leads to death.” (Proverbs 14:12, NIV)

God, in His love, has given us wisdom through the Bible. It contains everything we need to know about choosing a marriage partner. Who better to learn from than King Solomon—the wisest and most experienced man on marriage, with “seven hundred wives of royal birth and three hundred concubines” (1 Kings 11:3, NIV)?

No wonder God inspired him to write about the dangers of poor choices. As the Apostle Paul explained,

“These things happened to them as examples and were written down as warnings for us, on whom the fulfillment of the ages has come. So if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don’t fall!” (1 Corinthians 10:11-12, NIV)

And what a fall it is.

Accepting Responsibility

Rather than blaming some imaginary enemy for my situation, I must face the truth: I am the architect of my downfall. I ignored God’s warnings, and now I must live with the consequences.

God’s verdict for foolishness and disobedience is clear:

“If you had responded to my rebuke, I would have poured out my heart to you and made my thoughts known to you. But since you rejected me when I called and no one gave heed when I stretched out my hand, since you ignored all my advice and would not accept my rebuke, I in turn will laugh at your disaster; I will mock when calamity overtakes you—when calamity overtakes you like a storm, when disaster sweeps over you like a whirlwind, when distress and trouble overwhelm you.

Then they will call to me but I will not answer; they will look for me but will not find me. Since they hated knowledge and did not choose to fear the LORD, since they would not accept my advice and spurned my rebuke, they will eat the fruit of their ways and be filled with the fruit of their schemes.

For the waywardness of the simple will kill them, and the complacency of fools will destroy them; but whoever listens to Me will live in safety and be at ease, without fear of harm.” (Proverbs 1:23-33, NIV)

This is not just my story. It is the story of anyone who ignores wisdom and rushes into marriage without discernment.