How to Build a Happy Marriage Through Compromise
How to Build a Happy Marriage Through Compromise
George Bernard Shaw once said, “Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can’t sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can’t sleep with the window open.” This is not an exaggeration—it reflects the reality that two people in a marriage can be vastly different, yet still find happiness together. The decision to become husband and wife assumes that they have reconciled some of their differences to a great extent. Without a genuine spirit of give and take, marriage is unlikely to succeed. Anyone unwilling to embrace compromise should think twice before stepping into it.
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If you possess this invaluable gift—the ability to reach a compromise with your spouse—over time, you may even move beyond simply giving and taking to embracing pure selflessness. This is the foundation of a truly happy home. As Peter De Vries put it, “The bonds of matrimony are like any other bonds – they mature slowly.” A strong marriage requires giving without expecting anything in return. If you are given love and kindness, receive them with gratitude. This may seem foolish to some, but as 1 Corinthians 1:18 (NIV) reminds us, “The message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved, it is the power of God.”
However, when differences between spouses cannot be reconciled to a reasonable degree, they can become sources of deep marital wounds. The extent to which a couple can resolve their differences directly affects the peace within their home. Every marriage is unique and must be built around the specific needs and dynamics of the individuals involved. Mutual decisions, made through ongoing and informal “negotiations” driven by love and a true spirit of reconciliation, are key to maintaining harmony.
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Still, no couple can agree on everything. Personal quirks and idiosyncrasies will always remain. But if a couple can resolve their most crucial differences, they must also be willing to accommodate each other’s minor peculiarities for the sake of their marriage. As George Levinger wisely observed, “What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.” While it is rare for a couple to fall deeply in love after marriage, what often appears as newfound love is, in reality, an adjustment to the inevitable realities of married life. Adaptability is one of the key ingredients for a lasting union.
It is important to recognize that compromise is not about one partner doing the other a favor. Rather, both spouses are doing themselves a favor by being reasonable. If their marriage succeeds, both benefit; if it fails, both suffer. Even seemingly trivial disagreements, if left unresolved, can cause more damage than major conflicts. Many failed marriages can be traced back to small misunderstandings that, left unchecked, were gradually blown out of proportion—often with the subtle influence of negative forces.
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Ultimately, a successful marriage requires patience, understanding, and the willingness to embrace both the joys and challenges of life together. When built on love, mutual respect, and a commitment to working through differences, marriage can be one of life’s most fulfilling journeys.
