How to fix a troubled child when parents disagree on parenting?

Parenting is never easy, and even the most loving families can face challenges when a child becomes influenced by external factors, leading to rebellious or troubled behavior. The stress of these situations can strain even the strongest marriages, sometimes causing one parent—often the father—to emotionally withdraw, blaming the other for the child’s actions. What begins as subtle shifts in language (“your child” instead of “our child”) can grow into deeper resentment, creating distance between spouses when unity is needed most. Yet, as Zig Ziglar once said, “Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they’re on the same side.” When parents stand together, rather than against each other, they can navigate even the toughest challenges with greater strength and understanding.

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Sometimes, despite both parents’ best efforts, a child may become wayward due to outside influences, creating stress and emotional strain at home. The constant worry over the child’s behavior can weigh heavily on both parents, sometimes leading to depression—and in some cases, one or both may withdraw, emotionally or even physically, from giving the child the attention they need.

Often, it’s the father who pulls away first, blaming the mother for the child’s behavior, perhaps accusing her of over-pampering. This is when the subtle but telling shift in language happens—”your child” replaces what was once “our child,” signaling a rift that neither parent may fully realize is forming.

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Over time, the father’s emotional distance may extend to the mother, especially as she becomes increasingly absorbed in caring for the troubled child. In turn, her attention toward her husband dwindles, leaving him feeling neglected—and worse, resentful of the bond between mother and child. His frustration grows, further complicating an already tense situation. The mother, feeling unfairly blamed, may resist what she sees as her husband’s unjust treatment, and the cycle only deepens the divide.

Yet, if both parents had stood united, they might have faced the challenge together—supporting each other and approaching the child’s struggles with a clearer, more balanced perspective. As Zig Ziglar wisely said, “Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they’re on the same side.”