Lust vs. Love: Key Differences and How to Identify Them

Was I in Love or in Lust? What Is the Way Forward?

Looking back now, I can see that we had no reason to get married. All the same, we did—because it is said, “love is blind.” Again, here comes the need for the Bible to give guidance on what love truly is.

I have discovered that the Bible gives an ample description of love—what it is and what it is not. For the benefit of doubt, in the Book of 1 Corinthians to speak on the characteristics of love.

With all the information I have gathered, I now know the truth: *it is not love that is blind, but me who loved blindly.* I was like the Jews of Paul’s time. He re-echoed what Prophet Isaiah had earlier said about them:

“Hearing you will hear, and shall not understand; and seeing you will see, and not perceive; for the hearts of this people have grown dull. Their ears are hard of hearing, and their eyes they have closed, lest they should see with their eyes and hear with their ears, lest they should understand with their hearts and turn, so that I should heal them.” (Acts 28:26-27, NKJV)

Read – How to Avoid Relationship Regrets: Heeding God Guidance

To those whom love has made blind, marriage has become their eye-opener. They dream in courtship, but in wedlock, they wake.

What Is the Difference Between Lust and Love?

One thing is common between them—both involve very strong sexual desires. However, the difference becomes clear: lust encourages selfishness, while love inspires selflessness.

If a man loves a woman with godly love, he will be unselfish in his desires for her. He will not want to embarrass or defile her by encouraging premarital sexual relationships. But the problems of lust are not limited to the unmarried—married people, too, often fall victim.

Also read – How Oneness in Body, Spirit, and Soul Creates a Strong Marriage

The simplest way to identify the difference between lust and love is to apply this litmus test:

Lust vs. Love: Key Differences and How to Identify Them

• Lust wants to get, while love wants to give.
• Lust is self-serving, while love is self-denying.  
• Lust is unwilling to wait, while love waits patiently for God’s time.  
• Lust is unwilling to take responsibility, while love takes responsibility for the loved one and for any children resulting from the relationship.  
• -Lust seeks pleasure only, while love seeks the happiness and well-being of the person loved.  
• Lust is not lasting, but love lasts a lifetime.  
• Lust is a great curse of sin, but love is a great blessing from God.  
• Lust hurts everyone, but love heals everyone.  
• Lust brings sorrow, bitterness, and shame, but love brings happiness, joy, and fulfillment.  

The origin of lust is the sinful nature of man. The origin of love is the holy nature of God.

• Lust is selfish, while love is selfless.  

Between a man and his wife, nothing ought to rule but love, says William Penn. He is right. Whatever else rules in a marriage outside love will only produce temporary or cosmetic happiness. Sooner or later, the marriage will crash, as it will not withstand the true test of time.

Check this – What Does the Bible Say About the Purpose of Marriage?

However, be warned about love at first sight—it may be infatuation, and it may not last. The love that makes for a happy marriage must be sacrificial, selfless, and enduring.

In fact, as Mark Twain said, “Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.”

Now, I know what love is and what it isn’t. I can now conclude:

Either the two of us were in lust, or one of us was. But the two of us were definitely not in love. At best, one of us was—or perhaps we were only in love with each other’s personality and not with each other’s character.

“The difficulty with marriage,” explains Peter Dervies, “is that we fall in love with a personality, but must live with a character.”

What Does It Matter Now?

Whether we were in love or not then—it hardly matters now. I am already in this mess of a sick marriage. Now, I am left with three options:

1. I keep on living with the painful relationship this marriage offers me for the rest of my life.

2. I seek divorce and become a single parent.

3. I swallow my pride and, like the sluggard whom Scripture advises to “go to the ants, consider her ways, and be wise” (Proverbs 6:6)—I return to my God for wisdom.