Why Many People Enter Marriage Without Understanding Its Purpose

Why Many People Enter Marriage Without Understanding Its Purpose

According to Sydney J. Harris, “Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that he automatically deserves great success in any field of activity; yet almost everyone believes that he automatically deserves success in marriage.”

This belief leads many people into marriage without understanding its requirements or purpose. They never take the time to learn how to make it work, leading to unpreparedness and lack of focus on building a successful marriage. Many simply get married because they see others doing so, treating it as just another milestone in life rather than a lifelong commitment requiring effort and wisdom.

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A fitting analogy is the story of a young village man who traveled to Lagos for the first time. Unfamiliar with the city, he followed directions to his destination early in the morning. While walking, he crossed a railway level crossing and then asked workers at a bus stop for guidance. As he continued, he noticed people around him gradually increasing their pace, speaking excitedly, and eventually breaking into a run. Unaware of the reason, but influenced by the crowd, he too started running, fearing some unknown danger.

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The crowd eventually crossed the railway crossing just before the gate was shut. They had been hurrying to save time and avoid being late for work. Only then did the young man realize their reason for running. Because of his ignorance, he wasted time and energy, and by the time he finally reached his destination, his host had already left for work.

This story mirrors how many people approach marriage—excited but uninformed, following the trend without understanding the purpose or responsibilities involved. Unfortunately, some parents perpetuate this cycle, pushing their children into marriage with the expectation that they will “learn on the job.” The consequences, however, can be severe and sometimes irreparable.

The saying that “marriage is a training house” is only half true. While marriage does teach lessons, it is primarily the stage where all prior learning—acquired from parents, peers, schools, religious institutions, and society—is put into practice. Success in marriage depends on the quality of training one receives before entering it and the willingness to apply that training wisely.

The ultimate goal of pre-marriage training is to prepare individuals for a happy and stable home. Marriage is a vital part of life, so significant that even in God’s plan, it takes years of preparation before it happens. Unlike animals that rely on instinct, humans need extensive learning and preparation to navigate the complexities of marital life.

This is why parents must lay the foundation for a happy marriage from childhood, instilling the right values and training in their children. If a child grows up with a strong understanding of marriage, they will see how all life experiences contribute to building a successful home in the future.

The well-known joke, “When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible,” highlights an essential truth—marriage is the second and final lap of life. If it is mishandled, everything else can fall apart.