The Importance of Giving Your Partner the Benefit of the Doubt
To be misunderstood can be very painful and frustrating. In marriage, misunderstanding can become a powerful tool for a partner to manipulate the other by deliberately feigning ignorance of their partner’s needs, despite clear efforts to communicate them. On the other hand, misunderstanding may arise from genuine ignorance caused by a communication gap.
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THE PRINCIPLE OF GOOD HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS
The devil often takes advantage of such gaps to widen the misunderstanding and disrupt the peace between couples. One way this happens is through the confusion between “facts” and “truth.” Facts and truth are not always the same. For example, the fact that Mr. A and Mrs. B were seen together at a hotel does not mean they were there for an immoral purpose. They may have met there by coincidence for entirely separate reasons. A mischief-maker could manipulate the fact that they were together to imply a secret affair, which would be untrue. Many marriages have been wrecked because one partner failed to distinguish between facts and truth.
To avoid such misunderstandings, partners need to take time to put themselves in each other’s shoes and consider how it feels to be misunderstood. No matter how obvious a situation may appear, it is important for marital partners to give each other the benefit of the doubt. They should take time to investigate properly, think objectively and constructively, and avoid confronting each other prematurely. Acting impulsively can lead to embarrassment, shame, and lasting distrust, even after apologies have been made.
Understanding Human Relationships and Marriage
Mutual trust and patience are essential for understanding in marriage. If a partner is not showing understanding, it is not an excuse to force the truth on them or to retaliate. While two wrongs do not make a right, one right can neutralize the harm caused by two wrongs. Partners should strive to cultivate trust and understanding, regardless of outside influences.
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, in The Wisdom of the Sands (translated from French by Stuart Gilbert), offered valuable counsel to wives:
“The friend within the man is that part of him which belongs to you and opens to you a door which never, perhaps, is opened to another. Such a friend is true, and all he says is true; and he loves you even if he hates you in other mansions of his heart.”
The same should hold true for husbands as friends to their wives.
